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How I Took My Birthday Back From Al-Qaeda

June 25, 2011

My birthday is September 11.  Almost ten years ago, a group of people stole the joy of that day from me when they flew those damn planes into those beautiful towers and started a new era of fear.  Since then, when anyone asks for my ID or date of birth they usually inhale though their teeth and say something like “that sucks,” “oooooo” or “I’ll bet nobody forgets YOUR birthday.”  Honestly, not too many people do forget my birthday, except for 2001.  My birthday isn’t even that big of a deal to me, but I dread it every year because I know I will again be inundated by the media with images of those damn planes over and over.

Recently, I took my birthday back.  I read some of the “Gitmo Files” and came across “Matrix of Threat Indicators for Enemy Combatants (page 4).”  In this document it identifies the Casio 91-F wristwatch as the sign of Al-Qaeda.  It can be used to emit electronic signals that denote bombs.  In fact, when the US first invaded Afghanistan, if you were a native seen wearing the watch, you would be interrogated and likely sent to Gitmo.

I immediately ordered one from Amazon (they are actually hard to find because they are quite outdated.)  It cost me 12 bucks including shipping.  I wear it often and with pride.

Screw you Al-Qaeda.  I’m taking my birthday back.  I’m going to wear your watch.  I’m not going to let you have ownership any more.  Fear you?  Nope.  For I now know that you are an organization of cheap Japanese time pieces.

If anyone else wants to celebrate my birthday with me, buy one of these beauties…

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